Here's a super raw draft of a song which came to me after months of blunted, uncreative mucking about.
Since Feb, I took the plunge. Started seeing a therapist, who reminds me of a wise, quirky owl. And a psychiatrist as well, who resembles a cranky manager with a heart of gold, but for my health.
And I'm back on drugs for the first time in five years. Still too soon to tell, but a wave's lifted for now. Laughter and being witty comes easier. The heaviness is gone. It's really weird.
I know I have a super long way to go to rebuild and to exercise better self-care, self-love, self-respect. But the micro-steps I've been able to make through the endeavors below weren't things I could do six months ago.
And that is a small, wonderful thing.
So this song jumped out at me. Caught my mood and what I'm going through. Hope you like it. Please share it with others who are dealing with mental health issues. Or people who appreciate overly complicated ecclesiastical puns and shout outs to economic theory while discussing depression and anxiety. Or people who are mass assonance groupies, I guess. :)
first verse
the brain
how shrewd such sublimation
attain
pharmaceutical restoration
the gain
countermeasured by the palpitations
im working through
see to feign
ive been steadys
been a desecration
saw my father die young
under self sedation
time to break it all down
bring the altercation
im primed
im ready for a prize
time to really wise
pre-chorus
up
im getting introspective
up
looking for a new objective
up
no longer marking time
chorus
side effects may vary
side effects may tear me apart
evolution is scary
reinvention is willing to start
writing maps for an old location
once deep in sorrow
im done with living in a stoic sadness
read the directions
breathe and swallow
second verse
the pain
hes a brother by association
opportunity cost
of my occupation
if i just kept running
throwing out creation
thought id power through
i was cain
pure and simple
with my ministration
how he whimpered to be heard
with each laceration
til the screaming it stopped
and my own negation
made it clear
he never really dies
time to really wise
pre-chorus
up
im getting introspective
up
looking for a new objective
up
no longer marking time
chorus
side effects may vary
side effects may tear me apart
evolution is scary
reinvention is willing to start
writing maps for an old location
once deep in sorrow
im done with living in a stoic sadness
read the directions
breathe and swallow
bridge
this is not an indictment
this is a time
to forgive
i forgive myself
like a cloistered nun
my prior habits sheltered
kept me safe
like a warm embrace
but now theyre tattered
all a frayed
wont keep me dry
wondering what to wear
and why
reprise
the brain
how shrewd such sublimation
attain
pharmaceutical restoration
the gain
countermeasured by the palpitations
im working through
chorus
side effects may vary
side effects may tear me apart
evolution is scary
reinvention is willing to start
writing maps for an old location
once deep in sorrow
im done with living in a stoic sadness
read the directions
breathe and swallow
side effects may vary
side effects may tear me apart
evolution is scary
reinvention is willing to start
writing maps for an old location
once deep in sorrow
im done with living in a stoic sadness
read the directions
read the directions
read the directions
breathe and swallow
