One year ago - what I've learned, and where I need to go from here

Hey.

I remember one year ago today waking up to a wild, unsettling batch of turbulence.  The plane was shaking, passengers started screaming, and I was convinced we were going to crash.  I'd given up a lot of my old life, sold or thrown away so many long-held possessions, and pointed myself east. 

Why?  Why did I do that?

I was in a rut, basically.  Wasn't challenging myself or really applying myself towards serious artistic endeavors. I was shutting off, disappointed in my lack of growth. And, I don't think California's ever liked me. I've grown up strange all my life, and I knew , in the marrow of my bones that New York  held more life, more possibilities.  Heck, maybe even an absurd kind of love.

Back to the plane.  I hadn't slept for over 29 hours, and had already changed planes twice.  Sat down, and didn't even remember buckling my safety belt.  Awoke to the rancor and the panic of the crowd.  And the sick, buckling skips of the aircraft.   I was sure death was near.  And in an odd way, I was sort of glad.  I altered my breathing, deliberately induced a calmer heart rate, and waited patiently for the end.

But the plane was fine. And I arrived in New York City just a little after 10:30am on February 1st, 2011.

What a year.  Let's break it down into three parts:  What I've done, what I've learned, and what I need to do next year.

WHAT I'VE DONE

Performed in 5 different productions this year - a lot more than I've done consecutively in a while. It's a town where there's work to be had, and I've enjoyed the variety of each experience.

Lost 30 pounds - selling a car and walking everywhere will do that.  Also, I've been eating mildly better. I didn't even know I'd lost weight until a doctor's visit proved otherwise.  God help me if I still see pictures of myself from the back, though - sheesh.  It's like watching a sad elephant shuffle.

Wrote 7 new original songs this year - which really surprised me.  They're all on this site and are each varying levels of quality, but I can see myself using these new songs to cope, to grow, to narrate the changes I'm making. Once I shore up cash for a new guitar, you better believe I'll be taking these little ditties and some older songs of mine to the streets!  Probably won't sing the Vagina Song on the subway, though...

Getting paid on a regular basis to act and sing - it's not a lot of money, but it validates me.  It is the essential nature of being a professional in a field.  Beyond the dry aesthetics of theory and academic art.  Sure, in a perfect world the acting you're paid to do is just as skillful as the acting you do for free, but for now, just getting paid is a minor miracle.

Created a solid draft of my one man show: Ghost on a Stick.  Now, to edit further and work to get it workshopped and performed before this time next year.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED

NY actors and creative people are kinder - they just are. Something about dealing with such a harsh environment and coupling that with sharing transit with actors fosters kindness and respect.  Sure, there's a fair share of jerks and self-absorbed types, but  most are just as scared and hungry as you and want to reach out and help.

You can never really clean a hardwood floor.  You just can't.  You can sweep and mop and get on your hands and knees with a scouring pad and punish the ground, but it will never be clean.  That's okay.  A little dirt's part of life.

I will never be able to see every new play or eat at every new restaurant  - so it's okay to have gaps.

People sure love to see me nude or near nude in plays/musicals - whether it's pantless as the Porter in Macbeth or as Pete in the new play Home, or my ass cracking sticking out for the cabaret, I've earned a following for taking off clothes for comic effect.

Working from home is wonderful and strange.

Don't read THE ROAD on the subway unless you want strangers to ask why you're sobbing openly.

There is a mayor of my neighborhood, and he is my brother's three legged poodle, Peter.

Despite all the slices I've had, I still go crazy for a Di Fara slice. Health code violations and all.

My brother is a complicated and charming guy, and moving here has really given me a chance to spend more time with him.  I love him to pieces, and I'm ever so proud of his heart and talents.

Even in this modern age, cash rules everything.  So few non-chain stores take plastic.  I end up loading up at the ATM and stockpiling it like an old-timey prospector, under the mattress.

I owe the comedian Paul F Tompkins so much for my creative sanity this year in NY.  At my darkest, he'd always have some podcast or album I'd listen to and become galvanized by the sheer multitudes of his playful, passionate creative output.


GOALS

1)Lose 30 more pounds - getting to 270 was a snap.  Now, it's time to drop to 240.  I'll sleep better, I'll have less aches and pains, and get a wider variety of roles that way.

2)Give myself more - I've always had a hard time doing things for just me. For example, it's really tough for me to see plays or try new restaurants by myself.  Just seems sad.  But screw that.  I deserve new experiences.

3)Invest in a daily and diverse analysis of acting opportunities in NYC - more research.  Not just Playbill, or Actor's Access or Backstage. Really pore over the trades and get to know just how people get cast in theatre, film and tv in this city.  Who does what, and who do I know involved in new projects.



Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going on a date!

Thanks to the following people for helping me this year:
Jeric Jones and Stephanie Girard
Mom and Dad
Jelina Seibert
Jennifer Moraca
Jessica Larson
Josh Walters
Tess Suchoff
Bobby Lux
Joe Hogan
Winnie Lok
Shannon Fillion
Michael Irish
Garrett Blair
Bekki Doster
Mark Kinch
Dave Benger
Carole Taylor
Charlie Grosso
Mark Harborth
Zach Stasz
Ginger Reiter