By the Bed - first draft of original song

Hey.

Not gonna talk much about this song below.  To do so is to disrespect the parties involved. But I did want to stress the following:

1)Every single word in the song is true. I wish it wasn't, but it is.

2)The verses and the chorus are written in the spirit of the moment  when it happened. The need for detail to explain, to control, to summon strength.  The bridge, however, represent my thoughts on the subject years, years later.

3)If you or someone you love feels suicidal, don't treat it as joke or as something you need to hide. Please, please, please seek help. If you don't want to do therapy, you can call an anonymous hotline like this one:

1-800-273-TALK

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

I know it's scary, and I know that mental health is overlooked in the United States.  But you owe it to yourself to find care and comfort. This is a woefully short time we're given.  If you feel out of control, promise me you'll reach out to friends, family, or to an outside source.

Lyrics:

i'm by the bed
i smooth your hair
i kiss your cheek
Neck straining, try to read
the vitals on the screen
and you are sleeping so serene
i'm by the bed
thin ring of charcoal round your lips
from where they pumped you when they found you
when i called them
when you called me
when you let your spirit go

Chorus
Til the day I die
i know the worst thing I've ever done
was failing you
should have seen the signs
should have known your hurt had no ending
that collapse was due
oh, now i'm done with love
don't deserve it
far too steeped in sin, it's true
this is all
i know now

Second Verse
i'm by the bed
attendants wheel you out the door
step right in front of me
and tell me bring your clothes
they must observe you
how long   who knows
i'm by the bed
at our apartment
at the crime
survey the wreckage
there's the bottle
there's the pillbox
there's the letter
there's a suitcase  focus pack

CHORUS

Bridge
several years have passed
several thousand miles between us
you're doing well
found a new love
you're ok
i'm still alone
screaming in the wind to seize creation
feeling stronger
growing steady
i'm ok

but there's times i'm in the dark
recall that night, that bitter bark
how something died
my final hope
that i could help you learn to cope
and still i wonder is it me
who always poisons company
love's not enough
when you're bleeding
i was wrong
i am pleading
i am sorry for the pain you shouldered

Third Verse

i'm by the bed
you haven't slept, your fingers shake
room smells like nicotine
i hold you close and tight
and i am sorry   this isn't right
i'm by the goddamned bed
they wave you out
the doctor comes
he asks me jara
will she be safe
when she leaves here
and i'm sorry
for a second    i didn't know

CHORUS