Mother Dear - an old song

Hey.

Here's an older song I wrote about a decade ago for my mom.

Another stark winter. This was in Los Angeles, though.  2001.  Moved back to South Central after taking seven months to save up money in Modesto (after college). 

I was impatient, and hungry for change. Let my unease take over my common sense.  Who goes back to LA to try to be a substitute teacher and pursue an acting career without having a car, without possessing a driver's license?  My savings ran out quickly, and I spiraled into debt and misery.

This is the first time I lived alone. The studio apartment was rife with stiff, brown shag carpeting, and the cockroaches were not afraid. Used to wake me up with tiny time steps on my face.  Determined not to lose myself to depression and self-doubt, I did what all twenty-something creative monkeys do: plowed through copies of THE ARTIST'S WAY and THE VEIN OF GOLD, littered my apartment walls with taped quotes in an effort to inspire me. Harnessed my self-hypnosis skills.  Used them to get past my flaws and finally, after seven years of painful trial and error, procured my driver's license.

Twelve years later.  I'm living another solitary life, this time in New York City. Loved and lost, earned a few minor successes. And I think about this song.

My mother has a fountain of hope and faith brimming inside her which I will never match.  It's such an intense power to witness. She's silly and passionate and wears the quiet strength a lifetime of hardship has tested and tested again. She's always been there to support me and the rest of her children.

Te amo mucho, mama. 

Here's the song:


first verse
mother dear
hear my cry
this januarys gonna
wring
me
dry
send a prayer
double time
my bodys achin
from a
nameless
crime

chorus
everyone should have a mother
borne of tenderness like you
though apart from one another
i still see you
at night when im asleep
a child again

second verse
mother smiles
beacons light
her worlds been ragged
but she still
smiles
right
mother saves
little things
old yearbook photos
invitations
strings

chorus

bridge
and im beginning to stand
on my own
two
feet
crash and burn and cry sometimes
but its all right
yes its all right
oh mother dear
youre the purest
human
creature
one
could ever hope to know
as i live
i sing
your
mothers song

third verse
mother dear
hear your boy
this januarys gonna
bring
us
joy
trouble come
trouble go
what only matters
is the love
we
sow

chorus

JD - original song about my father

Hey,

I've been meaning to put up this older song for years now.  It's one of the earlier songs I wrote, and it's about my dad.

If you haven't read this post about my father, please read it now.

My dad's mother and father and sister used to call him JD (Jerryl Dwain) for short. I used it for the song because it has such a percussive quality.

The chorus refers to my father's depression.  Sometimes it would get so overwhelming, he'd lie in bed for hours during the day.  It grieved me to see him so sad, so helpless. I'd get in bed with him, and hug him tight and not say a word.

Here are the lyrics:

Chorus

jd wake up
the worlds alright
jd wake up
jd wake up
the worlds alright
jd wake up

First verse

do you remember
the day that i was born
starting out into your kind brown eyes
i wasnt easy
deaf and dumb combined i struggled
but you befriended me
even when i left the cub scouts
when i threw my soccer cleats away
you would always say
son
who you are
is what i love

CHORUS

Second Verse

i still remember
thirty four years have gone by suddenly
your silent boy sings out
no friends with money
wide awake in the dark
so bewildering
the future no one's guess
reveling in these moments
i recollect
the strength you gave me
to make good
to ride pain out
attentive to the quiet peace

CHORUS

Bridge

your smiles so rare
father
wont you let it live for a breath
i know you care
father
but regret settled in like death
all i am
father
is proof of your generosity
now its time
father
care for yourself
like you cared for me

CHORUS

Mr. Matthew - part I of the family suite

Hey.

This is the second oldest song I've ever written, with a new ending to it.  It's the first and probably only time my brother's openly liked something I've done. I was back at home for seven months after college, and I can only imagine me being there put on a strain on him.  My sister was at college, and he had just earned a taste of being the only kid at home when my broke, moody ass showed up.  In the course of me staring at the white walls and playing terribly on guitar for hours on end, I wrote this song for him. It's a silly little piece, but I think it sums up our dynamic perfectly,  Thanks, Jeric, for your own kind of love and kinship.

Lyrics:

First Verse

How are you today
Mr Matthew
If you're a little nauseous
Well - I'll come by again
How are you today
Mr Matthew
If you're a little raucous
Well - I'll be meek.

Come by, seek me out
It's a lovely day - I'd like you to play
You'll never guess the greatest news I've got to say

Chorus
Some days I feel
like I 'm floating
I might slip away
I'd love you to come
Fly with me
But you'd rather not play

Second Verse
I am simple
Mr. Matthew
I don't dance with the wicked
I'm a good, good boy
I am simple
Mr. Matthew
Shake loose your demon stare
C'mon and grin for me

Come by, seek me out
It's a lovely day - I'd like you to play
You'll never guess the greatest news I've got to say

CHORUS

Bridge

You'd rather not play, oh
you'd rather not play
you'd rather not play
hey
rather not play
rather not play
rather not play
rather not play

Third Verse

Come inside
Mr. Matthew
If I'm a little cautious
Well, you'll understand
Come inside
Mr. Matthew
You never thought to wear galoshes
And now the rain pours down

C'mon , straight inside
Whle the clouds will fight and rage
we shall hide
the only thing to get wet will be our pride

CHORUS

You'd rather not play
You think we're strangers
Linked only by a mother's touch
Still you're my brother
I love you so
C'mon and share
what you're living
Together we'll play