Faking - updated draft of original song and a meditation on Delusion

Hey.

I did some more polish over the months on my original song "Faking", and you can check it out below.  I'll post lyrics, too. 

Here's the inspiration behind the song.

Playing this song today made me think about a topic I've been racking my brains about these past few weeks: delusion.  Mainly, how we humans cling to delusion and blanket ourselves in its downy, lush embrace in order to stay alive and sane. We delude ourselves into thinking we will never die, that we are indeed special and unique and glorious and that we have worth.  Delusion whispers to us, tells us that we will find that love, that career, those bold, striking moments which will make our future biographers wet with desire.

I'm an actor.  Poems and songs and writing is just other random fluff I do.  But it's all centered around acting. Constant, unflagging delusion which leads me to open up in front of people.

But why?

Who should care?

There are millions of people who have done it and do it and do it far better than I.

I guess it's because I really don't have anything left.  I'm not gonna be rich.  I'm not going to have kids.  I'm not skilled in any other field which can help out this broken, mottled world.   I will most likely not find love.

So, it's me and this delusion.  That writing words down, singing them, playing other people will produce some benefit for me , for whomever looks at them.

First Verse
When the money's run out
and the day grows still
sleep sickness masking your sorrow
got a jealous heart, it's a bitter pill
in search of strength you can borrow

Chorus
but hey, what am I   - a dreamer who's been faking
someday this world's gonna love me
gonna sing along to the song I've been making
til then I'll sing to the wall.

Second Verse
When the riots start
and the blood fills the ether
doesn't make much sense to give up
take a proper job, sell insurance
pretend that you never wanted anything other than this
because your pension's gone, love's commodity shattered
streets are filled with the dead who've been torn up and battered
there was anytime at all when the fight truly mattered
it was now
(please speak)

Chorus

First verse again, and chorus.