Playing House - First Draft of new song

Hey.

I remember the first time I heard this phrase. 

I was talking to a conservative acquaintance of mine about seven years ago.  That's not a political label; she's just someone who lives at home and has an older paradigm about some social mores.  Told her about this long term relationship I had and how we didn't plan on ever getting married.  She stared at me, smirked, and said, "Oh, so you're just playing house?"

And that still fucking burns me. At the time, I had every intention of staying in that relationship for the rest of my life. We had been together for five years at that point, weathered so much. Sure, my relationship by no means fit a standard mold of what couples normally did. But I never said I was normal.

When that relationship ended, I reflected back upon those two words:  playing house.   And it saddened me to think that, in a way, I was doing this.  Not by the "traditional tenets of marriage" - whatever those are- archetypes.  But in the small fact that I ignored and masked a great deal of problems while trying to reinforce a construct of peace at all costs.  And that's not fair to anyone.  It's not communication. It's not being an adult and I'm sorry that I hurt somebody along the way while learning these somber lessons.

So, this song is probably the closest I'll come to writing a Placebo song.  It's angsty as hell.  I don't know why it came out this week. Probably just the combo of my mental health being a wee off and still thinking about death far too much.  Has a few cool parts to it.

lyrics

first
like a rubber band thats tethered
see the cold neglect thats weathered me
tell it straight now
watch it as it curls
lock the doors eyes closed and weeping
make excuses tension creeping fast
in my lonely laughter
after all thats passed


chorus
dont want the pills again
cant stomach the thought of those well dressed lies once more
whats the point of feeling fine
theres not a reason at all why somebody outta feel right for
sometimes the floorboards break
sometimes the mortar wont take
stead of playing house ill think ill let it fall

second verse
like a peach so lush and tender
im expected to surrender skin
chew me up and scatter
seeds and matter strewn
scratching at the mold thats spreading
no ones biting winter threading harm
failing sense i flatter
sing this wary tune

chorus

bridge
watch me die in slow motion
to prove i ever lived at all
ill bear the same and rouse your name my friend
a little kindness handmade pall

third verse
like a shudder fore the violence
muscles warning all is silence
cant you see youre hiding
words just biding time
thats enough now tell it plainly
that im frightened fault is mainly mine
that im week and chiding
gussied up with rhyme

chorus